A Letter To My Stretch Mark...

Hello stretch mark, nice to meet you. I was wondering if you were ever going to stop by and say hi. And you did, bright and early, on a Monday morning. Thanks. A lot.

So, I guess we will be seeing more of each other now? Considering that I still have at least 4 weeks to go, and GT is going to do nothing between now and then but get fat. I just want you to understand, though, that this is just a private event between you and me. You cannot, I repeat, CANNOT invite your friends to our soiree.

I thought that I was keeping you away, with my daily routine of lotioning and massaging. I thought that you would just skip on by to the next pregnant woman that needed company. But you stopped at my tummy, made your presence known, and now you've decided to stay.

For the record, we clean up after ourselves in my house. And if you don't abide by this rule, I'll sic the dog on you.

We also only keep diet drinks in the house, so it looks like you won't be growing and getting deeper than you are now. Ha ha sucker!!!!! (Well, unless I have a craving and I eat Little Debbies in bed, and if I do that's my business and not yours.)

In any case, I just wanted to let you know that I am not happy you are here and I will try to keep your stay short. I do have a 10 year high school reunion to go to at the end of the summer, and do plan on looking pretty damn good.

Again, another party you and your friends aren't invited to.