Still "playing"

I just realized after a long drive home tonight, that it still doesn't feel real. And then I decided that it might not feel real until the seventh night at home with the baby. Why the seventh you ask? Why not the first? Well, the first could just be like an overnight guest. The seventh is a permanent situation. My insides will finally say "OK, looks like this one is staying for a while."

Why is that? Why isn't it hitting me that I am growing another person inside of me? Why hasn't it hit me that I am creating and about to meet a person that I am going to love more than myself? Why can't I come to the realization that this person will need me and want me for a good majority of it's life? What's my problem?

I think because I am still feeling like "me." I'm still blaring the radio and singing to my heart's content. I'm still spending late nights at meetings and working on committee stuff all day. I'm still eating like normal. I'm still laughing at dirty jokes. I don't know.

It's like the tight clothes and morning sickness and extra doctors appointments are just there. Just like it's part of what I do. It's not a major change in my life, because I'm still keeping on. I'm still trucking along. Me at the wheel.

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I'm over thinking this. Is it denial? Am I still in shock?