My Dog Has A Death Wish

Have you ever seen the Exorcist when Linda Blair's head spins around a full 360 degrees?

That is something I accomplished on Saturday.

After my 92 pound black labrador JUMPED IN THE CRIB.

Didn't run and jump, but cleared the 4 foot high crib from a sitting position. And this is the same dog that wont jump in the car.

I wanted to kill him. I kinda still do. I guess the Google search for Fido Fettucini this morning sums it up. I know you think that's gross, but I'm sure dogs taste like chicken just like everything else.

To tell you what happened, Petey & I were looking at our beautiful crib Saturday. We were admiring the nice sheets, soft quilt and bumper. I guess Scout wanted to check it out too, because out of nowhere, he jumps in the crib.

And that's when flames of fire shot out of every orifice of my body.

Yelling, screaming, cursing, the whole nine yards. I went ballistic. Psycho mother came in full force.

Petey got him out and I dragged him by the collar and put him outside. I then tore the sheets off of the bed and took them straight to the wash. Since both the dryer and washing machine was full, clothes started to fly everywhere.

Petey tried to calm me down, but I would see no of it. I was mad. I wanted to kill the dog. That was the only thing on the brain: Kill the Dog, Kill the Dog. Like I was in a cult and had some brainwashed look on my face while chanting the motto: Kill the Dog, Kill the Dog.

I finally calmed down. It took a while, but I did.

Honestly, this episode scared me more than it made me mad. Because now I think about him doing that when there is a 10 pound baby laying down in the crib. That's what frightens me.

So in any case, all is better now.

And don't worry, my dog is still alive....(for now)