Circle of Life

I'm going to a funeral today. A close friend of mine passed away on Saturday after losing her battle with cancer. I'm very very very sad.

I am scared on how this is going to affect me as a new mother. Here I am, 4 weeks away from bringing life into this world, when I am mourning the loss of another life.

It's very surreal.

And then on top of that, I have a baby shower in my honor tonight that has been planned for a while.

I feel so awful. How can I be happy and sad all at the same time?

I know that I should be celebrating the life of both my friend and my baby. That's how they (both of them) would want it. Everyone says that funerals should be a celebration. I guess easier said than done.

So, I don't know. I'm a mix of emotions and confused. I don't really know what to say.

Sorry this post is depressing.