Tired and pissy.

That's how I've been feeling for the past couple of days.

Tired: I don't think I can sleep enough hours in the day. I am asleep by 9:30pm and can barely wake myself up at 7:30am. It's getting worse and worse. Eventually, I'm going to start sleeping under my desk at work. Just like George Costanza in Seinfeld. Or I'll just get bed sores from being in bed all day.

Pissy: So many little things have been setting me off lately. My emotions are such a huge rollercoaster and my hormones have the wheel. I feel bad for the two males in my house: Scout (my dog) and my husband. I usually take it out on them. They have learned to leave the room when they start to see my head spin. Once the storm is over they creep out of the computer room, making sure the air is calm before showing their face.

Bring on the nightmares!

Last night I dreamt I lost the baby. It was scary. I don't remember it exactly but I did dream that I was bleeding profusely. Then I woke up. Or I woke myself up. One of those...

I'll blame it on the Mountain Dew I accidentally had yesterday. Whaaaaaat??? Yes, I had a Mountain Dew. I forget I'm pregnant sometimes, so sue me! If it makes you feel any better I felt queazy this morning and am having pains in my tummy now. So there, do you feel better?

Why I Love Luby's and Why My Husband Won't Take Me There...

My parents and I went to Luby's every Sunday after church. Church would end at 11am and we would be the first ones to get to Luby's. I would stock up on my ham, mac and cheese and fried okra. I would butter both sides of my roll and finish it off with my glass of tea. It was heaven. My parents and I would normally discuss the sermon, grandchildren, school, my friends and what events are coming up for the week. It was nice to really bond with them even if it was only for a hour or so.

Afterwards, we would normally visit my sisters and their children. I was so excited to be able to spend time with my sisters, because I never got to see them except after lunch on Sundays. I would play with the babies (until they cried) and then after a couple or hours or so it was time to go home.

The more I got observant the more I changed. After a while I got tired of Luby's. I would push my parents to try something different. Let's go to Black-Eyed Pea, I would say. So we would try that, but sure enough, Luby's it was for the next week. It must have been the good price for the LuAnn platter.

Then I became a teenager and was embarrased that I went to Luby's. I figured it was for old people only. I didn't want to go to Luby's on the night I had someone spend the night. I think my parents understood. We would go somewhere "hip" like Chili's. (Funny, huh?)

Later in my life I stopped going to church every week. I was a college student and now had more of a choice whether or not to go. I still went pretty regularly, but not all the time. We would go to Luby's maybe every once in a while, especially if my sisters and her children came with us.

Eventually, they closed the Luby's we went to. I got real sad about that. Luby's to me was a big part of my life. I know it sounds funny, but somehow it just was. It was the gathering place for a girl and her parents where we were away from real life and could just focus on each other.

Now as a mother, I think about where my child will have memories of. Will it be somewhere significant? Will it be some random place like a cafeteria? In those off-beat moments that aren't really planned - the ones that just happen? Who knows.

I do know that it won't be at Luby's. My husband thinks Luby's is gross. So we don't go there - plain and simple. Which is fine...I still treasure the memories of my parents and me together...on a Sunday...alone.

It's official. I received my blood test results in the mail yesterday and it read "Your blood test for pregnancy was positive." So that's the "higher up" I'm waiting for. I guess peeing on a stick just isn't good enough for me.

I bought some baby lotion today just to smell it. Scout (my dog) loves that smell and just went nuts when I put some on his nose. I'm sure he can't wait to lick every inch of the baby once it's covered in that nice pink goo. I would too.

I had the best birthday ever. All of my friends kept telling me Happy Birthday and emailing me. I even got serenaded on the telephone a few times. I got so many cool presents: Target gift card, notecards, Sonic drink, chocolate bar, lunch, cash, candles, books and all sorts of stuff. I have SUPER GREAT friends and such a loving family, I am TRULY blessed!

Of course the best present for me is my little sesame seed sized baby. That is the best gift I've received so far.

I'll always cherish this birthday. What a great beginning to my 27th year here on Earth!

It's scary knowing that you're going to be a mother. It scares me that I will experience so many emotions that I have absolutely no control over. That sucks. I like having control. Control is my friend. We were like peas and carrots during the wedding process, what's the problem?

How will I deal with my emotions? I guess the same way I do now. Crank up the stereo and sing so loudly I almost go hoarse. Time to bring out the Air Supply cd, I guess. It cracked me up in Mr. & Mrs. Smith when Brad Pitt is singing "Making Love Out of Nothing at All" in the minivan while Angelina shoots the bad guys. Ahhhhhh, Brad. So nice to the eyes.

Okay, back to the blog.

I know that I will experience the pain of letting go. I hate that. I don't want to experience it. But I know I can't help it. Maybe it won't be so bad that I'm preparing myself now? Maybe not.

I'm still going to work after the baby is here. Luckily I have wonderful family members that can watch the baby full time. I'm just afraid of the hurt I'll have leaving the child to develop and grow while I am away.

I might miss the first crawl, the first step, the many smiles and that makes me sad. And when the bell chimes and it's time to leave work, I'm sure I'll feel that my car can't go fast enough, that the lights can't change quick enough and the traffic can't get out of my way in enough time to get home. 60 seconds feels like 60 hours at that point, I'm sure.

Sigh. Enough sadness. Welcome to the Rockin' Rollercoaster sponsored by My Emotions!!

Vroom, vroom to beep, beep

Way back before babies and bills were an issue (wait, bills were ALWAYS an issue) we bought a new car. We sold the monster, gas-guzzling Chevy Tahoe for a fuel-effiecient, reliable, safe Honda Accord.

I miss my Tahoe. Some days I wish I still had it. I felt like I was the queen of the road driving the biggest truck in the city. It purred at me like a lion. I could run over anything and not feel a bump. I would blast Robert Earl Keen or Jerry Jeff Walker (how cliche) while speeding down the highway. It looked good for a night out on the town and better with mud all over it.

But once the QT bills started to weigh as heavy as a magazine, we sent it on it's way. I cried. Not because I missed my car, but because I had to get rid of the last piece of youthfulness. (Is that a word?) I now had to start to be a responsible driver. It's time to be an adult.

So I pass my love on to my Accord. Yes, I can't see over anything taller than 8 feet; Yes, I get pushed around on the highway; Yes, I feel every bump on the road; But I do it all proudly. And I still have my REK cd in the stereo.

So I'm pregnant.

That's at least what 4 tests say.

Some days I feel pregnant and some days I don't. Sing that with the Almond Joy/Mounds theme song.

But anyway, this time kinda sucks cause it's just waiting. Waiting for blood test results, waiting for the 1st exam with Dr., waiting for something. I guess at 5 weeks pregnant you are just kinda there. Like you are on the team but still sitting on the bench.

Again, 4 tests can't be wrong, and I've had some symptoms that I am pregnant, but it just doesn't feel real. I'm just waiting for something to happen and it's making me nutso! I guess I thought that once I got pregnant I got like a t-shirt or medal or something to signify that I am. But no, nothing.

So I wait. On the bench. Till coach tells me to go in.

Never a dull moment.

I think that is the Hendricks' motto. We should have it embroidered on a mat in front of our door. Like the mats at work. Put our family crest on it and in nice english-type font put "Never a Dull Moment" underneath. Est. 2003.

So here's what happened:

1. Stopped taking birth control after 7 years of continuous use and another who knows how many of sporadic use. Sorry Ortho-McNeil Pharmaceutical, looks like you aren't getting any more money from me!
2. Went on a nice, relaxing week-long vacation with husband & family to the Carribean. AHHH.
3. Came back to a jaw-dropping TXU bill, broken washing machine and broken disposal. On top of regular CC bills that grace our presence every month.
4. Found out we are having a baby.
5. Started our yearly process of 2 1/2 hour meetings at least twice a month for all the organizations we are in.

So, because God loves us, we are supposed to balance the financial situations of #3 & 4 on top of managing our time with #5. YAY US!

Can that be done? Will the pressure send us to the loony bin? Do I know what I am doing? Do you know what you are doing? Reading my blog, of course!

Okay, that's all.

So I decided to start this blog for several reasons:

1. All my friends have blogs (see below)
2. I would think someone would want to read about my boring days
3. I found out I'm having a baby and want to remember somethings that happen during these 9 months.

So, I guess that's what you do. No more fancy colored pens and a journal with NKOTB on the front that has the crappy lock that will fall apart anyway. We journal ONLINE! We are so advanced, way to go us.

So off of the inspiration of my friends Amber, Jamie & Lucia, I start my blog.